A Slow Suicide
by MizDeSoul
Summary: After the sudden death of her parents the then four-year-old Lilith went to live with her only living relatives. The strong bond she has with her cousin is the only saving grace as her up coming arranged marriage is to one of his best friends. DM/BZ DM/BZ/PP BZ/OC
1. Prologue

**Full Summary:** After the sudden death of her parents the then four-year-old Lilith went to live with her only living relatives. As she grew up beside her cousin it became obvious to her that appearances meant everything in the world her family belonged to, arranged marriages were commonplace, and her orphan status didn't change the fact that she had her own marriage approaching to a man she barely even knew let alone loved. As part of the Malfoy line though she listened to her uncle and soon found herself as bed fellow to a male that half the time wouldn't even look at her. DM/BZ BZ/OC

**Disclaimer:** All characters but for Lilith and her parents belong to J.K. Rowling, I'm just glad that she lets them come out to play from time to time! Any flaw in character or setting is entirely mine and I do hope you can forgive them for the sake of the story.

* * *

**Prologue**

Lucius slowly made his way into the study his niece was in with a few bags, she stood there a confused look on her tiny face as she clutched her stuffed dragon to her chest. The little girl was just so young, he was out of his element at the moment thinking this would have been easier for him had she been a boy… Boys didn't cry so easily in his experience. His Draco was only a few months older than her but still he'd never had to tell his boy that his parents were dead as he was about to have to do with the pixie of a girl.

The girl looked up at him blinking without a word; she looked so much like his baby sister when she was that age that he almost called his little Lilith, Naarai. It was an old tradition in their family to name daughters after angels, Lilith was the exception. Naarai had originally picked out Meldoy after the Arch of Music but that hope had been dashed when Abraxas pointed out that she was "of the devil" for being not on conceived but born out of wedlock.

"Uncle." That soft trusting voice stopped him mid-step with just one single word. "Yes baby?"

"I don't understand Uncle… Why aren't mommy and daddy here too?"

This beautiful little four-year-old was breaking him as no other ever had with that simple innocent question. Those soft blue eyes… _'Malfoy eyes.'_ He thought grimly as she blinked at him waiting for an answer to one of the hardest questions he'd been asked in his entire life. Lucius moved sitting down in a chair near her before he reached out and lifted her off the ground placing her on his knee. He gently smoothed her wild pale blonde locks out of her face. "Lili… Princess there was an accident and you are coming here to live. I'm sorry but mommy and daddy aren't coming." He told her softly.

"You mean just for now? They'll come get me later?" She asked him tears slowly filling her eyes as she looked up at him.

Lucius shook his head pain and loss tearing at him, "I'm sorry baby they can't come back."

"No… NO! You're lying!" She screamed at him as the tears finally broke free cascading down her face as she ran quickly from the room and him, no doubt on a search for her cousin.

"She's scared." He heard the voice before he saw her, his wife Narcissa had spoken in a soft tone of voice but her presence always seemed to make her heard. A second later she was walking into the room from the door that Lilith had so quickly run out of. Lucius looked at his wife watching her as she crossed the room to the snifter of Fire Whiskey on a table there. She pulled the crystal stopper out and turned over to glasses pouring a quarter of a glass for herself and a little more for her husband before putting that stopper back in the bottle. She turned both glasses in her hands as she made her way to her husband handing him one. "She probably went to Draco. You know those two have always been more best friends than cousins. Your sister's influence I presume." She said smiling sadly at the last comment.

"I can only assume so my dear." He said even though he knew his wife to be teasing him, "Draco will calm her down, he always has given time." He said with a sigh as he took a drink from the glass he'd been handed.

* * *

It was hours later that the elder Malfoy male made his way up the stairs, it was not only time for dinner but he wanted to make sure his son had had plenty of time to calm his slightly younger cousin. Lucius opened the door only to come to a halt seeing the two children curled together fast asleep on the bed.

Lili it seemed had cried herself to sleep whereas the tough guy "I'll take care of you" look on his sleeping son's face was neither a surprise nor was it scary. It was actually rather adorable on a child of four and Lucius knew at that moment how everything had gone between the two of them with just the look on his son's face. He shook his head leaving them there to sleep just as they were; his tiny niece and her fierce guardian.

_~I'll protect you Lila… Promise.~_

_Draco_


	2. Chapter One

**Fire The Canon:** Yay my first reviewer and you actually like the story so far! I must say I've always felt that most people portray Lucius far too harshly; I think his asshole moments are honestly just a face for the public to see. I do hope my little Lilith lives up to your expectations. Just so you know these are my favorite types of reviews since your being critical and very nice about it. I will truly try and remember your grammar tip and it was so my bad on the mummy thing since oddly enough I call my own mother "mum." Thank you for the follow and the favorite, I hope you enjoy dear reader!

**RavenRekesh:** Hello sister person… You're biased. LOVE YOU! Enjoy the first chapter.

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Chapter One: Into the Serpent's Lair

_Dearest Diary,_

_I can never quite fathom why it is that years seem to just slip by it was like it was just yesterday that I came to the manor to live and not a yester-year. It's been ten years already and the though I couldn't be more grateful to my dear uncle and aunt for taking me in I can't seem to shake this feeling of something to come._

_I think I'm getting paranoid in my old age. Dra and I should be getting our Hogwarts letters any day now… Speaking of Draco! You didn't hear this from me (mainly because I'm not talking), but Draco's friend Blaise has spent the last week at the manor and well let's just say it's a good thing uncle has a draught of Fire Whiskey before bed. I don't want to know how he'd react to Dra liking another male in THAT way._

_I love my cousin and his happiness is everything to me. On a different note Diary it seems the nickname from first year continues to hold strong. Despite being cousins Dra and I are still referred to as "The Malfoy Twins." Is it odd that from others in the Slytherin populace (even Severus) I don't mind the nickname but from others I hate it? They make it sound like an insult. Like it's a bad thing to be a Malf_

"Miss Lili, the young master Malfoy is looking for you. Lacey is to bring you," the house elf that took care of her said as she appeared in the room with a pop.

Lilith looked at the elf and blinked before standing up sliding a ribbon into her diary without looking. She dropped the book next to her stuffed dragon on the bed. "Now why would Dra send an elf and not come himself?" She mused to herself following Lacey to her cousin's door.

"Lacey was told to stay out. The young miss should go in," Lacey told her.

"Thank you Lacey. I'll call if I need you," Lilith told her with a little smile before the elf disappeared and she knocked on the door. "Cousin it's me," she called through the still closed door. Draco let out a breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding as he heard her voice and not either of his parents. "Lila get in here! Help me!"

Lilith could feel her left eyebrow quirk up under her bangs… Help him? She opened the door on a dark room stepping in and shutting the door behind her before turning around her eyes adjusting to the dim light in the room only to see him. "I must admit cousin this is a side of you I have never had the need nor the want to see," she told him as she moved to the bed and covered his nakedness. "You let him tie you to the bed…"

"Never tell anyone about this… Never mention it… Never think it… Untie me," Draco told her making the girl laugh before her whined at her. "He went to take a shower and left me like this, what if mum or dad had walked in?"

"Tell them you've been robbed of your dignity?" She suggested laughing as she moved to the head of his bed undoing the knots holding his hands hostage. "Cousin I love you but tell your boy toy to be nice and not leave you tied up for uncle to find."

"You are a bitch."

"I'd say that's you right now brat," she told him with a grin before he reached out hugging her. "You are my angel, Lila!"

"Dra you're naked… The blanket is shifting, stop touching me!" She squeaked at her cousin. Draco turned beet red letting her go quickly to pull the blanketsup as his cousin jumped back and turned to try and leave only to end up face to chest with a very naked Blaise. _Eyes north Lili. Eyes north!_ She yelled at herself before quickly running out of the room to go to her own rooms once more. It was only a second before she was leaned back against the door laughing out loudly as her feet slid from under her making her fall on her rump inside the door. Lilith didn't quite get what it was that was so funny about what had just happened when at the same time at least she wasn't freaking out that the first two men she'd ever seen naked were her cousin and his lover. When she finally felt in control of her own body she made her way back to her bed grabbing her diary.

_I don't think a girl should ever have to see her cousin naked… Yeah. That's it._

_~Lilith_

* * *

Two days later found the three of the younger generation preparing for their yearly trip school shopping in Diagon Alley. "Uncle I'm ready!"

"Draco is still upstairs with his friend. He'll be returning to his home until school," Lucius informed her and the girl smiled up at him, she couldn't tell with his words if the man knew his son had been sleeping with the other male or not. She wasn't going to bring it up of course. She didn't have to wait long before Draco and Blaise were down stairs and she took hold of the arm her cousin offered to escort her with. "You'll see him soon enough, Dra."

"I know that Lila," Draco told her in a whisper just as soft as the one she'd been using on him. "Something else… That one we'll talk about tonight, my room."

She shook her head then, "mine. No chance of gooey surprises in there… Unless you've put another frog in my bed."

He laughed at that and smiled to her once more. "I haven't done that since I was ten."

"Let's be off my dears," Narcissa interrupted to motion to the fireplace. The younger generation took the Floo first. Blaise and then Draco went through and they each grabbed an arm as soon as Lilith stepped out, and before she could blink she was being dragged away by the boys.

"Ice-cream," Draco informed her as they brought her into Florean Fortesque's. Blaise went to the counter to order for them as Draco found them a seat. "Does he know?"

"I don't know dear cousin. I can't tell if he did or didn't," she told him softly shaking her head.

"You know him though, Lila."

She sighed looking at him, "so do you. Draco I know… Just let things run their course. Mayhap that you'll get lucky and uncle won't care what sex your love is." She told him softly before they were joined by Blaise who was silent as the grave around her like normal.


	3. Chapter Two

**Fire The Canon:** Thank you! I love that you're still reading this. Lili is very kind hearted. I figured that unlike the normal way in the books that you see Draco (since the books are based around the Gryffindors) that he would be much like his father in the way that the "mean" version of him is the public face. I was laughing so hard while writing the first chapter and this one made me giggle too. I hope you enjoy it!

**RavenRekesh:** My dear sister let me just say that I'm not the only person to make Blaise and Draco bisexual or a couple, but sister dear I'm glad I can still make you laugh after all of these years. I'm sure you know with the giggling you heard while I was writing this chapter that it has its moments too. Enjoy!

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**Chapter Two:** Cross My Heart

Lilith sat curled up with her dragon under one arm writing in her diary. It was almost one in the morning and Draco who told her weeks ago that they needed to talk still hadn't come to see her; she was beginning to think he'd fallen asleep on her again. That was until the blonde male came into the room without knocking. "Rather late cousin."

"Sorry had to find you a friend," he said with a bright smile before tossing a frog onto her bed.

She let out a little squeal as he tossed the frog not noticing what it was until it landed on her comforter. "Brat," she grumbled at him before to try and catch the little thing. "Shit, help me catch it!" They both jumped at the creature trying to catch it only for it to jump at the last second right from between their hands. "It's escaping, Dra!"

"It's faster than it was outside!" He yelled trying to grab it again only for the slimy thing to quickly hop under the bed.

It was fifteen minutes later that a bleary eyed and slightly annoyed at being woken up Lucius opened the door to find both children laid out on the floor out of breath, giggling, and his son had a frog on his forehead. "Really you two?"

"Sorry uncle, Dra tossed his forehead ornament on my bed and we had to catch it," Lilith told him with a smile.

"I think you were both more mature when you were five… Get to bed the both of you, you have to be up early to catch the Hogwarts Express," he told them before backing out of the room closing the door. Draco though just sighed as he reached up grabbing the frog as he got up and set the thing outside of her window. "He's… Lila… He's finding arranged marriages for both of us. I don't know what to do," he told her as he moved over and helped her off of the floor.

"We can't be married off until we're sixteen, Draco. We have time cousin," she told him softly as she hugged him. Lilith leaned in and kissed his cheek, "stay here Dra… like old times."

"Sounds good, Lila. I did always tell you I'd protect you right? Arranged marriages won't keep me from protecting you," Draco told her softly before they both crawled into the bed falling asleep to the sound of the frog on the window ledge croaking.

* * *

She looked at her cousin as the train started to move. "He's doing that quiet thing again, Dra. Where's the volume control?" She asked looking at Blaise. She didn't think she'd once heard the male across from her talk. Blaise obviously _could_ talk given the fact that he'd had to have talked to Draco to gain his interest.

"He's quiet, Lila. Some people are like that," he said shrugging as he looked at his cousin who was sitting next to him. She looked exhausted the stupid frog having kept waking them up through the night. They'd both woken to the same thought in fact, 'I fucking hate frogs' which was followed closely by 'damn it all I'm tired.' Draco watched as his cousin lay her head on the Daily Prophet that was on the dining car table in between the two rows of seats. It was barely anytime at all before she was dead asleep sitting there.

"They want us to marry. My dad has been talking to yours about her," Blaise told his best friend and lover. Draco groaned rubbing a hand over his face. "I was afraid of that actually. I think she had that feeling too, why else would she tell us to let things run their course… That we might get lucky?"

"She told you that not me Dragon," Blaise told him his eyes momentarily shifting to the girl. From this angle if he didn't know better and it weren't for all of that hair he would have sworn she was Draco. He looked back to Draco then, "I won't be able to. Not with her… Any other number of girls but with her it would feel like cheating."

"Too bad they don't realize you won't even talk to her… Father would never subject her to that. She's his princess. You know he always wanted a boy and a girl, but mother was lucky to carry me to term. The doctors told her even with magic it would kill her to have another baby. In a way the most tragic day of our lives was also a blessing no one saw coming, to my father the day Lila joined the family was the day that it became complete," Draco told him before he moved grabbing his robe from the back of the seat before settling it over his cousin.

Blaise looked at him as Draco sighed; it was obvious that Draco wanted to know why he could speak so freely to everyone else and not to Lilith. "That's the problem Draco. She's too much like you but so obviously not. I don't know what to say to her, I want to talk to her like I do to you but every time I've ever tried… She's not you."

"She never will be Blaise, but if you two get married you'll have to learn to talk to her," Draco informed him despite knowing it was the last thing Blaise would ever want to hear. It was Blaise's turn to sigh then, "Would you hate me if I couldn't find a way to love her my Dragon?"

"Hate is a strong word Blaise… So is love. I'm not even sure if you're capable of liking my cousin," he told the other male softly. Blaise smiled though, "overprotective git. Of course I _like_ her… I like all of your family. I just find it hard to talk to her."

Draco rolled his eyes then, "try harder… If you two end up betrothed… Just don't hurt my baby cousin. I promised her the day her parents died that I would protect her Blaise and even for you love I'm not going to break that promise."

"I won't hurt her Draco… Not on purpose,' Blaise told him softly as he opened a chocolate frog and on the first noise from the thing Lilith jumped wide awake, "I'M GOING TO KILL THAT STUPID FROG!" Draco nearly fell out of his seat laughing as his cousin now found herself glaring at the candy frog. Blaise was looking at her like she'd gone insane; Draco hadn't told him about the frog incident the night before. Lilith though quickly spun on her cousin, "you got that for him didn't you?!" At his nod despite the laughing she glared at him and flicked her wand at him under the table.

"What did you just do?" Draco asked as he felt the spell hit him but do nothing more.

"You'll find out later cousin dear," she informed him with a half asleep smirk before she pulled his robes a little higher cocooning himself in them with her head covered.

"Lila…" Draco groaned out glaring at her covered head. "She has a vindictive streak my cousin." Blaise blinked at him then, "and you want me to fall for her Dragon?"

Draco glared at him, "you're just as impossible as she is."

"He should be more apt to liking her then; they both try to drive you insane." Pansy said as she moved over to them sitting next to Blaise. "So how are negotiations for the betrothal of our dear Blaise to your cousin going?"

Draco shrugged, "it hasn't been discussed with me to be honest. We still have time," he told her as Blaise draped an arm around Pansy's shoulders.

"When you get betrothed does that mean we have to give you up Blaise?" Pansy asked the male as she cuddled into him.

"Dragon?"

Draco glared, "are you honestly asking me if it would be alright for you to cheat on my cousin? What part of don't hurt Lila don't you get? How much do you think it would hurt her to find out that you won't even talk to her but you'll sleep with me AND Pansy?" He felt his cousin's body go ridged next to him and knew she hadn't been asleep. "Shit Lila…"

She wouldn't meet any of their eyes as she quickly moved ignoring the protests of her cousin as she didn't even give him a chance to move before she stepped up onto the table and crossed it to the isle before hopping down and quickly moved down the car away from him towards the back of the train.

"I'm sorry Drac… I thought she was asleep," Pansy told him softly.

"You going after her?" Blaise asked him.

"I should make you. That way you _have_ to talk to her, but no I'm going after her. Think of something nice to say to her in the meantime Blaise," he told the other male as he got up to go after his cousin. The closer he got to the back of the train the more worried he got; shouldn't he have found her by now? It hit him at that very second like a ton of bricks, he'd been wasting his time looking in the compartments and knocking on the bathroom doors. She was with that ugly owl of hers. "I still remember when you got that ugly as sin owl. Dad asked you eight times if you were sure you wanted him."

"Everyone kept looking over him… I knew a diamond in the rough when I saw one," she said as she ran her fingers over the owl's feathers. "He's more loyal than any Gryffindor."

"You named him after a demon so ugly he could boil fish just by being in the same area," he said with a grin. She looked up at him tears in her eyes, "were not even sure if we will get engaged… This is silly, Dra. Why does it feel like a betrayal when it's not?"

Draco gave her a gentle smile before moving over sitting on the ground next to her as he wrapped his arms around her to hug her tightly. "Because I screwed up. Dad and I have protected you from so much that we can't remember past all the smiles that bad stuff will still happen to you that we can't stop," he told her softly as he leaned his chin on the top of her head. "Do you like him?"

"I don't even know him Dra. Every time we're in the same room he either starts to whisper or he just goes quiet. Today was the first time I've heard him talk since we were five. You've been friends with him since then but remember his mother said girls and boys no matter how young don't mix. No wonder he fell for you Dra. You're a great guy… I don't stand a chance with you already in his heart."

Draco let out a little sigh still holding her, "you know you can write father… He can find someone else for you before they finish the terms."

"And just what do you expect me to tell him cousin? The man you want me to marry is in love with your son? I see that one ending well don't you?" She asked him in a whisper. He sighed and kissed her forehead. "Go on back Dra… I'm fine," she told him as she gave Asag a treat.

"You sure, Lila?"

"Yes. I'll see you at the school," she informed him gently before watching him walk away only to let the ters she'd been holding back fall down her smooth cheeks.

**AN:** I realize that in the book the chocolate frogs didn't make noise or jump but I simply couldn't resist the temptation!


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